As you have seen if you have explored my site, I AM a mother of four children. For some reason I have large babies. My daughter was the smallest of the four weighing in at 8lbs 10oz. They just got bigger from there! My second child, my son Maddox weighed in at 9lbs 4oz. My third child also a boy, weighed in at 10lbs 4oz. And finally my last child but certanitly not least weighing in at 11lbs. 😲 Ouch!
My last son was born on January 9th, 2017. After he was born, I suffered from terrible postpartum depression. It wasn’t the kind where I resented my baby. I bonded with him and loved him just as much as my other children, my depression was different. You see I have always been an active person. I grew up dancing. It was my escape from my not so great home life. I competitvely danced from the age of 5 until I was 18. After I turned 18 I quit competitive dance and only did it for fun. I have always been into fitness and being healthy. After my last son, I had no motivation whatsoever. I didn’t want to leave my house. I was uncomfortable in my own skin. I didn’t even want friends to visit. After my maternity leave was done and I had to go back to work, the depression hit me even harder.
Fast forward a little bit to August of 2017. I was all set to go on my annual girls trip to Mission Beach, San Diego. I needed this trip, but I was the largest I had ever been weighing in at 206lbs. Because I was still depressed, I couldn’t seem to find my motivation still. So I went to Mission Beach with my girls, trying my best to embrace my largeness. The picture above was a picture I took after I got back from San Diego. The beach and getting away helped me find my motivation again. It helped me connect back to my true self and finally get past my depression.
Before I could start to focus on my body I had to get my mind right. I started seeing a therapist and a natural healer. Which only took me a few months. In October I was ready to start focusing on my health. First I started on my nutrition. I did a no sugar, not even fruit, low carb diet. I focused on healthy fats and not my calories. I lost 45 pounds in 3 months. I allowed myself a few cheats, one on Thanksgiving and my next cheat, lasted a week after Christmas.
Once January came, I was ready to add in a workout routine. After having my last child and losing 45 pounds, I felt squishy and soft. I started the 80 Day Obsession Beachbody program by Autumn Calabrese. I have been a Beachbody Coach off and on for a few years. I really love their products and have seen crazy results when I fully stick to their programs. The picture below is my end results of the 80 day program.
This blog post is not about beachbody or me trying to sell you some product. It is about embracing our bodies. Look at all the amazing things our bodies can do. My body carried four large babies. My body was heavy and uncomfortable but my body was able to bounce back once I dedicated myself to loving it and taking care of it. I have always been very criticle of my body, I have always judge myself, talked bad about myself. I always hid my stretchmarks, even during sex, I would wear t-shirts and camis.
I wanted to be real with you, raw, vulnerable and open. A Course In Miricales teaches us how to dig deep and figure out why we think the way that we do. Why was I so hard on myself? I dug deep, I meditated, I wrote my fears, judgements and self doubts out on in my journal and I practiced changing my thoughts with positive affirmations. I started writing out all the things my body has accomplished and why I am so grateful for my body. Doing this gave me confidence. I slowly stopped all the self hate. My stretchmarks are still there but I embrace them. I love being naked now, these marks on my body show the miracles that I created. They show that I AM a mother and that I AM blessed.
“A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love” – A Course In Miracles